Praise You In This Storm

Right now is a dark time for Scott and me.  A couple days ago we suffered a miscarriage.  This was not the first one, yet it seems even more painful than the first.  Maybe because the first time we hadn't been trying very long and this time it took us 8 months to get pregnant, only to lose the baby a week after we found out.  Maybe it's because the first time we didn't have children already so we didn't understand just how big of a blessing a baby could be and just how much we actually had taken away from us.  Maybe it's because the first time we were still very young and knew that we had plenty of time to grow our family and now we're getting older and time is running out.

But this I know:  God will take care of us.
I believe that He has a plan for me and for my family.  Plans to prosper me and not to harm me.
I believe that one day I will get to meet my little ones in Heaven.
I believe I will get through this.
I believe that God speaks to me through music and that Casting Crown's song, Paise You In This Storm, is what I needed to hear on my way to the doctor the other day.

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus]

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

[Chorus x2]

If you haven't heard it, I suggest you go listen to it on YouTube or wherever.  It's good.  And it will get me through this.  Because I know God gave it to me. 

My Calling

• My Calling

  I went to a Mary Kay retreat over the weekend and had an epiphany.  Actually, it was more like a conversation with God. One of the speakers mentioned that we were put on this earth to do great things.  I always just thought that meant raising my boys to be righteous men.  But God told me otherwise over the weekend.
  
  I heard a lot of women talking about how we, as consultants, can do great things and bless many women's lives.  "It's all about the women," I heard.  It's not about me.  It's about them.  And every single one of us was meant to do great things for these women.
  
  I didn't believe that.  In fact, I was a little ambivalent toward my business because I didn't believe my calling was to bless women's lives.  My calling is, and always has been, to work with children.  How on earth would Mary Kay allow me to work with children?  It's not exactly best practice to facial a 5-year old. 
  
  Then God hit me over the head with his palm and said "You CAN help children.  You will use your business to help children."  Thus, my dream was born in a room with 700 women in a hotel in Kansas City:
  
  I am going to use my business to raise money, network, and eventually be able to retire my husband so that together we can do something huge.  I'm thinking building a school in Africa.  And it won't be next week or even next year.  I need to be realistic.  But I BELIEVE that within 20 years something big will happen.
  
  How awesome is that??  God has big plans not just for me but for everyone who will be a part of this.  From my husband and kids who will work with me toward this goal, to my friends and family who will stand by us and watch it happen, to my customers who will financially support this mission, to my director who will lead me toward leadership (oh yes, that is right.  I plan to be a leader in this company.  That's the only way I'll ever make enough money to get this thing going and meet enough women who will be able to help me), to my National Sales Director who will put me in touch with the people who can help make this happen.   Every single person I meet will play a role in this and I am SO excited for it.
  
  From now on, every dollar of profit I make will go toward something that is NOT me or my family.  In fact, God and I had that argument as well. 
  "But I want new shoes." 
  "Give the money away"
  "But I want new jeans"
  "Give it away."
  "But I want to take my kids to DisneyWorld"
  "Give it away."
  Sigh.  "Ok."
  
  We'll start with Operation Christmas Child, and work our way up to building a school in Africa.
  
  I am SO excited!

Short-Lived

Well, our Cash experience was short-lived.  Long story short, he found a forever family and they love him and he loves them and that is the end of our Cash story.

However.

That is not the end of our foster dog story. 

A few days after Cash left, we found out Dixie needed a foster family.  This sweet girl (who looks just like our old Bailey-Boo) was a stray who was picked up by another shelter and was about to be euthanized because she had overstayed her welcome.  Our shelter (AHeinz57) rescued her, and she is now sleeping on her comfy bed about 6 inches from her new best friend, Beau.

Beau and Dixie just LOVE each other.  They play and wrestle and snuggle and follow each other everywhere.   They have such a close bond that I'm worried that when she finds a forever family Beau will be very depressed.   Add to that the fact that she is just the sweetest dog on earth and is so gentle and cuddly and timid (but not in the way that you think she'll bite your face off if you look at her wrong) and sweet, and we are seriously debating over here whether or not we should just adopt her.

Oh, and the boys love her too.  Every night Caleb prays for her, and every day the first one they seek out is Dixie.  They love to watch the dogs play with each other, and both of them love throwing balls for her (Dixie is great at fetch, by the way).

So, what to do, what to do?  Another large dog is definitely a financial commitment.  On the other hand, she does bring so much joy to all the "people" in this house (Beau included).  On the other hand, she sure is spunky first thing in the morning :)

Let's Add Another Boy!

Before you get all excited by the title of this, I just need to throw it out there that no, I am not pregnant. 

Ok.  Now that that's out of the way...

So, hands up for those of you who have ever made a crazy, spur of the moment decision that affects the whole family and possibly even other people's families.  Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?  Or how about anyone wishing they had the guts to drastically change the dynamic in the household?

Ok, now hands up for those of you who just always want to help the underdog.  Or just the dog, for that matter.  I know I have a lot of friends out there with servant-hearts.  Doesn't it just feel good to do good things for others?   To know that you could be a hero to someone?  To know that your actions just might make a difference in someone's quality of life?

Ok, now that we're on a roll, hands up for those of you who just loooooove all of God's creatures, especially dogs.  I realize there will probably be fewer hands up this time, but I know that there are plenty of dog-lovers amongst my friends and definitely in my family.  Right, Mom?  Didn't you once want to be a veterinarian?  For, like, my whole life?

Can you see where I'm going?

Tuesday morning I was going through Facebook and drinking my coffee, when I saw this cute guy in someone's status for the day:



Immediately, I called Scott at work (side note:  did you know that he leaves for work at the very unGodly hour of 6:15 every morning?  And that he likes it?  And that he actually was the one who set his hours?  Who does that?  How on earth does he function?), and the conversation went like this:

Me: "AH!"
Scott: "What?"
Me: "I have a proposition for you."
Scott: "Oh great."
Me: "You know how Beau needs a friend?"
Scott: "No.  No more dogs."
Me: "But we don't even have to pay for him!  There's this dog named Cash and he needs a foster home.  It says he's sweet and gentle with kids and gets along with other dogs!"
Scott:  "Hm.  Well, Beau does need a friend..."
Me: (squealing) "I know!!  And we don't have to pay for it!"
Scott: "Ok, let's do it."
Me: "YESSSSSS!"
{pause}
Scott: "What kind of dog is it?"
Me: "You already said we could get him."
Scott: "What KIND?"
Me: "A St. Bernard."
Scott: "How big?"
Me: (whispering) "140 pounds"
{pause}
Scott: "Ok."
Me: "Ok?"
Scott: "Yes, we can try it.  Beau needs a friend."

So I called the rescue and told them we could foster Cash and the next day I picked him up and he is now in our house.  We now have 230 pounds of dog living in our home.  Are we crazy?  Maybe.  But I have a feeling we just got some good brownie points with God.  Maybe it'll go like this when I get to the pearly gates:

St. Peter: "Sorry, I can't let you in."
Me: "Why not?"
St. Peter: "Remember that time you threw the banana?"
Me: "Oh yeah.  You're right.
         But remember the time we fostered the giant dog?"
St. Peter: "Oh yeah, you're right!  Come on in!"

Maybe?  Just maybe?



p.s.  If you're in the market for a super-sweet St. Bernard, let me know.  I have a great one here.  I'd keep him forever myself if I could afford to feed two huge dogs, but that's not the case. 

We're Doing It!

Unlike other things I start and am unable to finish, this whole no TV thing is actually working.  Kind of.  I'm not above turning on a movie for the boys once in a while, but we have to go all the way to the basement to do it, so that makes it more work.  And Scott and I have been watching the Olympics after the boys go to bed, so there's that.

But the cool thing is that the boys are actually having a good time without TV.  I've created a cozy reading spot in the playroom and Ben loves reading in it.  In fact, the other day I asked him if he wanted to come play Grocery Store with me, and he said "well, maybe in a bit, after I'm done reading."  I was totally fine with that.

The fighting between the boys has lessened, and I attribute it to both the TV being gone and my intervention.  My M.O. used to be to just sit back and let them figure out their issues.  As long as nobody was getting hurt, I thought, I need not interfere.  They needed to figure this stuff out on their own.

But they weren't figuring it out.

Now, when I hear things start to escalate, I go in and tell Ben that it is not acceptable to yell at people and that he needs to use a calm voice to tell his brother what it is that he needs or wants from him.  I've also found that making them sit together, holding hands, for five minutes helps.

Things are coming around in this house, I can feel it.

Now, off to break up the first fight of the morning...

This is Tough!

I didn't think life without TV would be so rough, but we are really struggling around here!  It is very difficult to not cave and turn the TV on when I just need a few minutes' peace.  It is also very difficult to not watch the Olympics (seriously, whose great idea was it to start this experiment in the middle of the Olympics?), or Big Brother, or even just some random thing on the History Channel for the sole purpose of vegging.  Yesterday was an exceptionally rough day for the boys, and I have something to admit:

I caved yesterday.

I could not handle the arguing, the whining, the tantrums, and the general disrespect in the house, so I cheerfully declared that it was time for a movie!

I had Ben choose a movie (Twenty Trucks.  He hasn't watched that since he was three.), and down we went to watch it in the basement, where our old dinosaur TV is hooked up to its rabbit ears.  It's also hooked up to the X-box, which plays DVDs. 

God had another plan, though.  The DVD was scratched up and wouldn't play.  But did I take that as a sign and decide that we (they) weren't going to watch a movie?  Noooooooooooo.  I told Ben to go find another movie. 

He came back with Prodigal Pig, a cute little cartoon about a pig who wants to take his inheritance early from Farmer Brown and leave the farm to go be a big-shot musician in the city.  It has a great moral message, and even better, it automatically repeats itself!

Friends, we watched that movie until LUNCHTIME!  And by we, I still mean they.  I did things like put dinner in the crockpot and check Facebook and play with the baby when she got up from her nap.  It was glorious!

I have another secret....

Scott and I watched the Olympics in bed last night.

Eeeeekkk!!  I felt like a child breaking the rules.  It was exhilarating! 

I might just cave again today.  Maybe.  If I can't think of enough creative things for the boys to do.

We'll see.

The TV Free Experiment

I can't believe we've done this.  It was totally all my idea, and I insisted so much that Scott had no choice but to go along with this, but I still can't believe we've done this.

We took the tv away.

I don't mean that we said we can not watch tv during the day.  I mean that we literally took the tv away.  It is resting peacefully in the basement storage room with a blanket wrapped around it.  It's like it's taking a little tv nap.  I'm a little envious, actually.  I wish I could be tucked in the storage room by myself with a blanket wrapped around me.  Seems quite peaceful.

At any rate, there is no longer a tv in our living room.  It was just getting to be too much.

Too much time spent in front of a screen instead of spending time together as a family.

Too much whining and tantrum throwing when I had to tell the boys that it was time to turn off the TV.

Too much of me using the TV as a babysitter so I could do things like pin things on my Pinterest boards or check my Facebook.

Too little use of imaginations.  Too little physical exertion. Too little getting anything done because we were so obsessed with what was on the screen.

The boys have been arguing and fighting and whining and just generally all-around no fun to be around, and I believe it's because we have just plunked them down in front of the TV instead of teaching them how to act around people.

We are on day two of this experiment, and so far it has gone somewhat smoothly.  On Sunday, we sat Ben down and told him that the TV was going to go away for a while because we were spending so much time watching it that it was hurting our family.  He wasn't happy, but he didn't throw a tantrum, so I consider that a successful talk.

Yesterday morning, as is their routine, both boys came downstairs and sat down with their thumbs in their mouths, demanding "boy shows".  I showed them we no longer had a TV.  They whined a little, but got over it quickly.   However, they were both incredibly moody all day long.

I guess we're going through TV detox this week.  The withdrawal symptoms will be rough, but I think we can do it.

Tell me we can do it. 

(p.s.  Spell check just told me that it's not tv- it's TV.  I think it looks funny all capitals, but I'll go with it.)